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1. Thou shalt not rent the movie Chocolat.
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family,
you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
4. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50
percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to
call bullshit. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable
exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his
sister is off-limits forever.
6. The maximum amount of time you have to wait for
another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to
wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's
refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
8. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for
another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional.
9. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe
your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried
away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is
forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
10. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask
his permission and he, in return, is required to grant it.
11. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be
treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and, more
importantly, the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
12. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem-you
didn't see nothin'.
13. The universal compensation for buddies who help you
move is beer.
14. (Gas Warfare Act) you may flatulate in front of a
woman only after you've brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under
the covers (Dutch Oven) for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's
officially your girlfriend.
15. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink
only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel...and it's free.
16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed
woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk
to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours
his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin'",
then you may sit back and enjoy.
18. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while
weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers." "Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the
last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
20. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on
equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other
situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
21. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the
car, you may not join him...too gay.
22. Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl,
you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in
the eye, and deliver a "FUCKOFF!" You are absolved of your responsibility.
23. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly
"just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling
weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about
what a big mistake it was. Source:
http://www.maximonline.com/stupid_fun/the_code/ |
